Release Date: 11/07/13
Summary from Goodreads:
At the age of seventeen, Paige Alexander had it all planned. She wrote a letter, sat in the bath, and slit her wrists. Her plan failed.
Her best friend, Alex, is dead.
Paige can't get over her twin sister blaming her for a tragic event in their past.
Colorado is in the midst of voting on lesbian and gay rights and Paige is terrified to come out of the closet, fearful for her life.
Many people in Paige's life are keeping secrets from her. Will she piece everything together before it's too late?
In this gripping first-person narrative, a young college student grapples with more than first loves or coming of age. In a world filled with homophobia, suicidal feelings, and a dysfunctional family, Paige cuts her wrists in an attempt to free herself from the crazy life that's all she's ever known.
Could there be new lessons in store for Paige? With the help of her girlfriend, friends, and a compassionate therapist, can Paige find the safe space she needs to heal, grow, and cut her strings?
“Do you want to be here?”
I hesitated. I didn’t know the answer. “Can I get back to you on that one?” I bowed my head to avoid eye contact.
“Thank you. I appreciate the honesty. That’s a start at least.”
What a relief! And here I thought I wasn’t impressing her at all. “Are you currently in a relationship?” Her curious eyes screamed, “I want the truth.”
“Uh … do you mean do I have a boyfriend? Nope. No boyfriend.” I smiled inwardly at my cleverness.
She continued. “Do you have trouble sleeping?”
I noticed she had a checklist on top of her notepad. Was she literally asking routine questions? Would every session be like this? I bet I could find a book in the library and predict the questions. Sweet! Cheap shrinks are easy to manipulate. I tried to mask my happiness.
“Sometimes,” I mumbled.
That was a lie. All of the time. But I couldn’t say never. Why would I be in therapy then?
“What activities do you like doing?”
This one confused me. “You mean like reading?” I scratched the top of my head.
She nodded enthusiastically, encouraging me. “Yes. What types of books do you like to read?”
I almost blurted out, Night, by Elie Wiesel, but quickly changed my answer to, “Mysteries and such. I like Sue Grafton a lot.”
She made a mark on her paper.
“What type of student are you?”
Again I stared blankly. What did she mean? Was she reading the questions wrong from the paper?
“Do you get good grades? Do you have difficulty concentrating in class?” She motioned with her hand implying etcetera.
“Oh.” I nodded my head, catching on. “I do okay.” Looking at my feet, I determined not to tell her I always got As and that I had a photographic memory. Let her think I was a dunce. The less she knew the better.
“Do you drink or use drugs?” she inquired casually.
Her relaxed tone floored me. Was she trying to trap me? Why would anyone answer truthfully? Was I supposed to say, “Why yes, I’m hardly ever sober. Had four beers on my way here.” Did she think asking me in a tone that implied she didn’t really care and she was cool, would make me confess all?
“No, of course not.” I tried to sound indignant.
Liddy paused, scrutinizing me before jotting something on the check sheet.
“When you are stressed, what helps you relax?”
“I like to take hot baths.” It took a lot of control to stifle a laugh.
She didn’t react. I wanted to shout, “I can’t believe you missed that clue!”
Minutes passed and she apparently finished all the questions. “Well, I think that is enough for today,” Liddy said.
I was dismissed. I felt like a naughty child forced to spend lunchtime in the principal’s office. I stood up and headed for the door.
“One last thing, Paige. What’s it like carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders?”
I turned and replied, “Why don’t you tell me, Doc?”
She laughed, and I bolted.
About the Author
T. B. Markinson is a 39-year old American writer, living in England, who pledged she would publish before she was 35. Better late than never. When she isn't writing, she’s traveling around the world, watching sports on the telly, visiting pubs in England, or taking the dog for a walk. Not necessarily in that order. She has published two novels: A WOMAN LOST and MARIONETTE.
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